I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
where am i from again
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
