I looked at my own cervix.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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