If that was your dad, he is hot
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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