Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
