remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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