what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
This house was built for laser tag.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize