Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
it's not cheating when I paid for it
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
