he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
