Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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