Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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