mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
