we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize