good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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