Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
