Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
