What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
