i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
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