Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
