Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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