Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i can't believe i had my finger in that
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
