2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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