We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
