you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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