I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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