I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
