i would punch a child for taco bell
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
