Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
