when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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