so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
