I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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