I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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