You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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