I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
