I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
