We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
