I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
