i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
