That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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