and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I want to fling myself into the sun
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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