Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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