hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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