Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
