I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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