A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
