I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
