We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
