My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I am available for nakedness
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
