i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
All I want is dick and wine.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
