Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize