She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
