textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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