so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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