Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
