4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I wish I could punch you in the face.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize