If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
