I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
My vagina is very pro this idea
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
